and Shine, 37 year old male
I am a 37-year-old Christian
male who is undergoing a "spiritual awakening".
It started when my church started regularly having services
devoted solely to worshipping God in music and singing.
I enjoyed it so much, God would bless me so with his presence.
I began to feel a fervent desire for God to do "something"
, some great work within me or with me. I started praying
that he would work in me. Eventually, two things happened,
the first is that the way in which I felt God's wonderful
presence in worship began to spill over into my regular
life. I'd be walking down the hall at work, or sitting
on the bus, and suddenly I'd have that glorious sense
of him, of his nearness.The
second thing that happened is that I developed a certainty
that God was going to do something BIG, but the details
were hidden. I began to long for this hidden "thing"
that he was going to do. I felt that it was like some
things, that it was like art, music, sculpture, poetry
and writing, but that in fact it was none of these. It
was someting beautiful and expressive. Once I intuited
that although the "thing" was not poetry, although
it was spiritual, it was going to be like poetry, it was
going to be to the rest of my spiritual life like what
poetry is to normal conversation.My
expectation began to seep out, my enthusiasm gave me away
and I ended up having to tell people why I was so excited.
I told them that there was a Jericho waiting for me to
enter, something that was presently concealed and protected
but that soon the wall would come down and I would be
able to go in.One of
my friends assessed my state and suggested a book to me,
The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence.
I did not immediatelyact upon their recommendation. Weeks
later however, my wife and I were shopping at a bookstore,
and I was feeling particularly confined by my ignorance
of the pending "thing" that God was going to
do. I felt isolated, frustrated and that I was something
of a nut for wanting to have something beyond my previous
peanut butter and jelly diet of regular Christianity.
I offered up a complaint in prayer, "Can't I have
a book about this thing? Hasn't anyone ever been here
and written about it?"Pretty
much what happened is that I turned around and there was
the book my friend had suggested. I reluctantly purchased
it, dubious that my expectation would be satisfied.I
read the book over the holidays, it was exactly what I
needed, and I drank it in completely. This was the beginning
of the "thing" that God was going to do! I began
to undergo a strange sort of "flowering." Now
that I know a little bit more I'd say "a mystical
awakening". My worship of God progressivley flowed
into areas of my life that had previously been dry ground,
and wherever the worship flowed things became deeply different,
vitally alive. It is at this point that I falter; I cannot
adequately express for you what the Lord has been doing
for me. I go out at lunchtime at work and walk around
downtown Seattle praying, and when I pray this way; the
ordinary somehow starts to look strange, far away, exotic.
Like how I imagine India. It's still Seattle, there's
no outward change, but something happens in my heart that
transports me to that faraway place. It's beautiful, and
haunting. I feel like an eyedropper trying to suck up
an endless sea of his presence. I had never apprehended
the awesome, dreadful majesty of God like this before.
The words in the Bible that describe his glory have until
now for the most part been faded postcards from a faraway
place. But now, I've been there. I've seen it first hand.
He is awesome. He is inexpressible. He is I AM. Whew!
Are Never Alone - Age 31 and age 40, female
When I was 31 and single, living in a not-so-great neighborhood,
I was sitting on my living room floor playing solitaire
and feeling incredibly sorry for myself because I was
still single. I remember saying to myself, "I'm so
tired of being alone!" And an absolutely BOOMING
voice that seemed to come from inside, rather than outside
said "YOU ARE NEVER ALONE!" It really startled
me. I think one of my spirit guides was really frustrated
with me. Then just this past year, I was getting in my
car to go to work and that same voice told me to go back
into the house.I suffer
from mild obsessive-compulsive disorder, so I am constantly
running late because I have to go back and check to make
sure that the
coffeemaker or the curling iron or whatever is off and
not going to burn the house down. I remember actually
being angry at myself and saying,
"OK are you happy now?!" when I was standing
around in the house knowing everything was shut off. Then
I got back in the car and went to work. I got no more
than a quarter of a mile from my house and came upon a
fairly gruesome accident that had just happened. If I
had not listened to that voice would I have been in the
middle of it and injured? I don't know, but I'll never
ignore that voice.
Indescribable Feeling - 23 year old, female
My mystical experience came
to me in an expression I have not read in any other statements,
yet I still feel my experience was mystical. One afternoon
I was having a conversation with my mom about events or
wonders of the world no one can explain. For example,
the face on Mars , when scientist broke down the structure
of the face numerically it was found related
to the pyramids in Egypt. The thought in my mind at that
moment that the face on Mars and the pyramid with the
face of a person and body of a lion would resemble heaven
and everyone together as one. Secondly, military observation
bases seeing objects in the sky that appear on radar but
not visible to the human eye.All
of a sudden I felt this indescribable feeling through
my whole body , almost like my heart sank to my feet with
an mild electric current through me. My
mouth opened an my jaws dropped. I felt then and there
some kind of new realization of life in mind and a feeling
my heart had opened up!!. The image's that came to mind
were angels from heaven visiting us. The reason being
none on earth or for that much anywhere else in the universe
could be so intelligent, and so keen to put these unbelieving
hints in places we'd discover but the Divine himself GOD!!!!Every
since I have this new awareness, as if my body is a mask
and my soul looks out the windows of my eyes. Sometimes
I scare myself because of a feeling of alienation and
not completely understanding what has
happened to me.I was
at the time of this mystical event 23 years old, I am
now 24yrs. and female.Thank you for this chance for me
to explain what i feel was one of or is the most special
spiritual event i have ever had.
Mathematical, a Complete Oneness - 26 year old, male
At the time I was 26, I am
male living in the north of England. It was Christmas
eve '96 we had just finished work for the holidays. I
felt strange, as if nothing was right, I had been drinking
but was not drunk, I felt I needed to be on my own so
I slipped away. I was thinking about the future, you know
just general worries like "will I ever meet the right
person?". "am I a bad person?" I suppose
it was the time of year.After
awhile thoughts started to appear in my head, every thought
I had seemed perfect, I started to work out the future
and what it had in store for me.
This vision I had was mainly centered around a girl that
I worked with, although I had no feelings for the girl
at this time I realised that I was about to fall completely
in love with her. I saw other things too like the death
of my father, and the month that this girl would become
pregnant. Also the name of a girl who would try and get
us together ( I had never heard of her before this time.
)I have only given
a vauge description of everything I saw, some of it is
too painful, but I have realised with 100% certainty that
something else exists. It was like working out odds, very
mathematical, a complete oneness with the Universe. I
spent 5 years thinking that I was somehow mentally ill
so I never told anyone of my experience, but recently
I have told a few friends.
or Never - 28 year old, male
I am uncertain as to whether
the following account should be filed under the description
"mystical experience" or not. What happened
to me was not like an experience of any kind. Indeed,
the term "experience" is far from accurate.
I am sending this account primarily in the hope that
it may inspire or enlighten others and would welcome
e-mails from Yoga students or anyone else who is filled
with the neccessary passion required to investigate
their true nature.
Now or Never
It was during my twenty-eighth year, while I was studying
yoga and attending classes that an illumination occured.
After each weekly session of, mainly Hatha Yoga, a small
group of us would meet at a friends house to chat,
discuss Yoga and philosophy, listen to Indian music
or just relax.
On one such evening, I
became very deeply relaxed, my body assuming the weight
and consistency of a sack full of water. I recall lounging
about, not needing to talk or consciously communicate,
I felt so tired, so at home and so self contained. I
lumbered home late that night, had a bite to eat, went
to bed and sank into a deep slumber. The following morning
I awoke to a beautifully
transparent spring sunlight and a curious sensation
trickling up and down over the centre of my forehead,
between my eyes, in the centre popularly known as "the
third eye" or in Yoga, as The Ajna Chakra. It felt
like there was an army of tiny insects swarming over
The next thing I noticed
was that this sensation was occurring at intervals of,
I would guess, about every 15 to 20 seconds or so, in
other words it was cyclic in nature. The occurrence
of this sensation was totally involuntary. It was subtle
and pleasant, but also very fascinating. I arose and
got out of bed. Now I do not know how to really describe
this, but I knew immediately and beyond any words, that
this day was going to be special, very special.
After my breakfast I set
off for work, still with that curious cyclic sensation
flowering on my forehead, between my eyes, about every
15 to 20 seconds or so. I arrived at work, settled at
my desk and immediately plunged into a very boring task
which involved the manual entry of columns of data into
a series of printed lists. As the day wore on, still
with that curious cyclic sensation, I became more and
more absorbed in the task and into myself. A point was
reached whereby I had virtually no conscious awareness
of what was going on around me, in the sense that I
was not taking in details, or looking for them. I was
aware for instance that people were conversing, but
their conversations became nothing more than a mere
background ambience within which I was immersed.
I kept on, trying not
to scatter or divert my attention from the deepening
immersion that was taking place. It was like being funnelled,
and ever more inwardly, towards a place that had no
name, some obscure and totally unknown, but yet longed
for destination. I had no idea, no glimpse, not even
one tiny, glimmering foresight of where or what I was
being led to. So I kept on and on and on, through a
kind of fiery passion with one pointed concentration,
not giving way, not giving in, not giving up. I had
come this far and I was not going to let go, for anything.
At 5-00 I left work as
usual and set off for the doctors, as I needed a repeat
prescription. I was accompanied on my walk by that same
curious sensation, repeating at its usual interval.
It had continued all through the day, since waking up
The impression I received
was that something was entering or exiting the Ajna
Chakra. Perhaps "circulating" would be more
accurate. I arrived at the doctors, entered, picked
up my numbered card from the reception kiosk and took
a seat at one end of the long waiting room. How long
I sat there before it happened, is hard to tell, but
I became aware of light, a light that I realised immediately
was within me. It is impossible to relate at just what
moment this light became apparent. It was just there
and did not seem to have a definite starting point.
It was like a very, very, very gentle sunrise without
specific beginning. I remained still and the light was
filling my body, filling my mind, completely filling
my entire being. Then I noticed something extraordinary.
As I began to
gaze around that waiting room, at the sad, waiting patients,
the pile of magazines on the central table, the coloured
doors and the paintings on the walls, everything my
eyes met with shone with an intense inner light, a light
I had never, ever seen before. It was as if my vision
had become purified. An analogy would be the experience
of looking through out of focus binoculars, then focussing
them and seeing an object suddenly appear in crystal
clarity, when previously it had been nothing more than
a dull, boring blur.
It was astonishing, I
was held in a trance. I waited. Eventually the coloured
bulb on my doctors door lit up and I arose and
entered his office. The transaction was swift, he hardly
spoke. I picked up my prescription, stood up, said cheerio,
left his office and walked the hundred yards or so to
the bus stop to await the next bus home.
The double decker pulled
up after only a few minutes. I paid the fare, took my
ticket and climbed to the top deck. I was the only passenger
up there. I sat down. All of a sudden it hit me like
a bolt from the blue. Never, never for one infinitesimal
moment had I ever been anything different from this!
The past was irrelevant, the future, merely an effervescent
dream. Now was the only time, the only place, the only
life, the only reality and it was inescapable. This
is where I had always been. I had not attained anything
or discovered anything new - never. The light flooded
me, an interior illumination at the very heart of myself.
This was the Self, beyond ideas, beyond thoughts, words,
beyond images, beyond grasping; it was nothing to do
I remember sitting there,
actually shaking my head from side to side in absolute
disbelief. How could I have ever been ignorant of something
so supremely obvious as this, for god's sake how? Then
I realised how utterly fruitless, how utterly futile
was the desire to fight, to struggle, to try to wrench
the simple truth of one's supreme identity out of oneself!
I was amazed. I was dumbfounded. Another insight told
me how ridiculous the notion is that thought must come
to an end in order for the Self to be realised.
Thought flowed on and
on in the background, as did every other phenomenon,
but always against this background of being ness, but
now I saw it and everything else as simply existing
perfectly in it's own right. Everything took on this
new dimension, everything appeared to me to be just
the way it was, so
self evidently and so perfectly right. Nothing was out
of place. I basked in the bliss of this light; it was
like arriving home but paradoxically, the home from
which I had never, ever departed. The bus trundled on
and I became aware that the light was very gently beginning
to fade, as gently and as mysteriously as it had arrived.
Within a few minutes I was at my front door, I opened
entered the house.
My parents were sat watching
the television as usual. I gazed at their faces. The
light had now dissipated and to me they looked their
usual selves. Everything had returned to its dull, monochrome
normality. I was suddenly overwhelmed by a deep, existential
sadness, a sadness which told of the impossibility of
me ever relating to them what had happened. How on earth
could I ever even begin to make them understand such
a thing? My lips were sealed by a blinding sense of
It has now been over 22
years since the illumination took place. The light has
never returned. But even now, something of that original
insight remains. It is a sense that whatever and wherever
I am, this is where it's at, right here, right now and
there's nowhere to go, nowhere to hide and in a spiritual
sense, nothing to achieve. The seeker and the thing
sought are one and the same. Ramana Maharshi said that
a housewife living alone in a London flat has the same
chance of attaining Samadhi as a yogi meditating alone
a cave in the Himalayas. He was right.
The words of Patanjali,
the author of the famous Yoga sutras, continue to echo
in my mind, "Samadhi is closest to those who desire
it the most intensely.
Am Born and Die Over and Over- Male
This experience has happened
to me twice in my life, and
both times it was essentially the same. I was meditating
the nature of my "self", working on the koan
"who am I?". As
I concentrated on the question, every so often I would
a shiver, almost convulsive, as part of a momentary
that I was about to understand something, but it would
dissipate and I would begin concentrating again on my
nature. After a few hours of this, feeling I was about
learn something important and then losing it, I just
up. I got up and headed for home, but in the act of
up, I felt the weight of my world lifted from me and
an immense joy and identification with the whole universe.
Both times the experience lasted only a few days, fading
gradually. After it had faded, I felt a sense of loss,
also a sense of strength, because I still knew something
intellectually that I had experienced directly: God
are the same, a living universe where "I"
am born and die
over and over as each creature is born and dies. I had
nothing to fear.
Total Infilling of Joy, Bliss and Wholeness-
24 year old, male
I am a 50 year old male. My experience occurred at age
24. Over a two month period I was seeking spiritual
guidance with the Abbot of a Benedictine monastery in
Southern Michigan. I was in a fragile marriage and was
searching, not so much for answers to the problems of
the marriage, but because the problems were generating
questions about truth and substantive meaning in life.
On the third or fourth
parlor meeting, I asked "why did the miracles happen
back then (in Christ's time on earth) but not now?"
He responded with, "Well ... we can ask. Would
you like to?" I said yes and we proceeded to go
chapel and into one of the side alters. I knelt down
and he stood behind me with his hands lightly on my
shoulders and prayed a prayer that went something like
this ... "Jesus, here we are in this mystery of
life and your friend would like to know the reality
of your existence. Would you in some way show him, by
a sign of your presence....."
And then it began. My
legs were vibrating at a rate that could only be described
as a hum. In an instant my mind, emotions, body and
thoughts were washed with an energy that caused a complete
and total infilling of joy, bliss and wholeness that
was beyond description and yet so very real. I began
to laugh in joy and tried to look out the side window
to see where Jesus was. It was an instant knowing of
completion where I lacked nothing, except wanting to
greet the source of this incredible and extraordinary
experience. I asked while chuckling "what do I
do now?" and the abbot replied "you need do
nothing except say thank you" which in my heart
and mind I was already doing.
I walked around the abbey
grounds for several hours and finally felt I could drive
home. Upon arriving home, I was immediately challenged
about where I had been and found I could not utter any
words to describe the events of the day. My tongue literally
would not allow words to describe what had happened.
Within the next twenty-four hours the bliss slowly tapered
and all the "challenges" of ordinary life
crept in. I found an inability to reconcile what had
happened with the chaos of a troubled marriage swirling
around. I felt
anguish that such divine and complete bliss was gently
subsiding and became angry and felt abandoned by this
Godly power that had entered so quickly and beautifully.
I dared not contact the Abbot to talk about it because
I believed I was the one who chose and lost the essence
of grace that was given to me.
For years when I tried
to talk about the wonder of the experience, my tongue
would not allow me to speak. It literally would spasm
as I searched for words to describe the event. That
was probably why I couldn't speak about it, just as
others have experienced, there are no words sufficient
to describe such an
experience. When I was able to form some crudely strung
words, it was perplexing for me to make sense of the
incredible and why it went away. It wasn't until I began
reading in "A Course in Miracles" twenty years
later in the Teachers Manual that direct union with
God is possible but usually doesn't last.
According to the book, the reason it doesn't last is
the individual would probably not want to remain in
physical form because the bliss is so wonderful. Normal
desires to eat, work and perform other daily functions
would lose all interest in favor of direct union. This
made sense to me and ushered in some
peace about what had happened on that day at St. Gregory's
I am grateful to have
discovered this site on Christmas Day, 2001 and write
of my experience to encourage others to be grateful
and not despair when the "ordinary" returns
after an "extraordinary" experience. Keep
searching for others who share similar experiences to
talk with. Find ways to bring tangible meaning to what
you know within your own personal awareness and experience.
It's not always easy to make sense of such grace within
We Can Work With Him
My experience was about four years ago. I had lost my
job, girlfriend, house and everything else all within
a week. Then I was talking to a neighbour about it,
she advised me to hate the people involved. I said that
I was sick of hating, then I heard a voice behind me
say .."at last we can work with him."
There was a brick wall behind me and no one else was
there, except me and this one person. A few days later
I felt compelled to give a Tibetan, hand made, silk
hanging to a man I hardly knew. From this, he gave me
one night's work.....where I met a woman who talked
about spiritual things....she seemed a bit weird at
We kept in contact and
I told her that I wouldn't mind hearing what she had
to say on the world....So I ended up one morning at
her house waiting to talk to her, but I felt very strange,
really frightened, sad, angry...all these emotions.....so
strong that I had to just lie on her couch.
The whole day passed, and I kept feeling that if I left
it would go away. But I wanted to hear what she had
to say, and stayed. She called me into her kitchen and
told me that I was being tested....all complete nonsense
to me....I had never heard of things like this. But
she then said that I had passed...whatever that meant.
Then the whole room was very bright and my whole body
was buzzing...I had never felt so good before, and was
very very happy.....there was no logical explanation.
I felt in contact with a higher power and seemed to
know things that until then I never thought possible.
Since then I have meditated, studied an enormous amount
of books and lectures, and feel that I have got it......but
as you know...you only get it once you realise that
there is nothing to get. My only question, after many
amazing experiences....is why?....
Slightest Movement of A Hand
- 19 year old, female
happened when I was 19 and I am currently a 49 year
shared it with only a handful of people because the
attempt to decribe the experiential/sacred aspects cannot
remotely be captured with words and it is so personal
that I am not willing to share it and allow it to be
demeaned. I share it here in hopes that it will offer
some meaningfulness, support or validation for others
who may have similar experiences.
I was happy at the time of the experience. I was a college
student who was also tutoring poor children, and their
world and minds had had a special effect on opening
my heart. I have always been even as a child, one who
was searching for a "god connection/experience"
and organized religion had not provided this. I was
basically an agnostic.
The experience began about 5 pm as I left my home in
a car with a friend who was driving. As I looked out
over the lake nearby the colors of the trees and and
all that was in view became INTENSELY ALIVE. At the
same time I felt bathed in a warm, joyous love and felt
as though it was being poured into my head. Along with
it was a pouring of "truths/connections/understandings".
I began talking to the friend and he said "Keep
talking!".....That is the last thing I recalled
about the evening until about 4 a.m. in the morning
when I became aware of my "I" again. I was
in my bed and the pouring into my head of the "aha's"
kept coming in...they were like ..yes there is that..and
there is this ...Things were as they should be. We are
Their were many long term effects of the experience...Mostly
positive but challenging to integrate at age 19 (One
that was remarkable was that for about 3 months, the
slightest movement of a person's hand would reveal things
to me about their life and the state of their soul).
I had to learn to be less sensitive and aware in order
to filter out and find balance for myself as time went
feel truly blessed to have had the experience and my
life would not have been at all the same without it
and yet until this stage of my life I would not have
wished for another of this magnitude. Perhaps that is
why I searched on the net to hear of others experiences
today for the
of Light & A Voice
- 30 year old, female
My experience all took
place at the beginning of the year (2001), while everyone
was celebrating the new millineium, I was in a state
of deep depression.You see I had met this man, I had
only known him for 2 days but felt a deep soul connection
For many reasons this
meeting was all so right but then it was all so wrong.
I felt that I could spend the entirety of my life with
him, it all felt so right,he was everything I had ever
wanted in a man, I really wanted him more than anything
else in the world! But I knew that I couldn't have him
you see I was at the end of a relationship with another
person and he well he had twins on the way at the time.
So we go our own seperate
ways about 2 weeks after meeting him I was so depressed,
I couldn't sleep, eat I had lost heaps of weight. I
got to the stage where I had had enough of life and
all that it had to offer me. I was on the brink to suicide,
I knew that I needed help so I fell to my knees and
prayed to god that day, I prayed from the sincerity
of my heart and I knew he was there for me. I have never
prayed that way ever not once in my whole life, but
pray I did.
The night falls and I
am in a deep sleep all of a sudden I am going through
this tunnel of light, I have heard of the black voids
but I had none of that, it was so beautiful the music
I cannot explain but shocked by the whole experience
I brought myself out of it. I sat up in my bed and I
thought I was going crazy. I manage to fall asleep again
and once again this beautiful light appears it is so
Then I hear this voice.
I do not want to repeat what was said to me because
I feel that this message was from god to me. What gets
me the most about all this is that I didnt know anything
about mysticism at the time, had I known then what I
know now I would have embraced this light with all my
heart and soul, I know this was a communion with god
and I know he is there for me but I have to learn to
trust him. I have other mystical experiences as well
where sometimes I feel at one with the whole universe,
but what I have learnt from this whole experience is
that god is with me always and forever and he will never
harm me. I love you god.
- 19 year old, male
After 20 some depressing
days aboard a troop ship, we were moving south along
the east coast of Japan. I stood alone at the rail of
the ship. As I watched the Japanese shore a few miles
away, I spotted a lighthouse. I briefly felt transported
to being within yards of the lighthouse rather than
miles. I felt a very beautiful, happy, and life-affirming
feeling. The days of depression turned to a feeling
of joy and hope. I've tried to express my feeling in
words, but they don't do it adequately. It was wonderful!
Experience of the Void
- 29 year old, female
I have had 10 or 12 experiences
over the past 25 years. On 3 or 4 of those occasions
the person with me had the experience too, and they
thought I was 'doing it', which, of course, I was not.
I have never seen any written accounts of this 'shared'
experience, although I do know one person who had it
with a friend of his who was at the moment of death.
I would say the first
experience was the deepest, but perhaps it seems that
way because it was the first. The first experience consisted
of suddenly, but in no way violently, finding myself
in eternity. It was eternal and infinite blackness,
a void where I saw nothing at all. This might sound
scary, but it wasn't. The 'void' was totally filled
I felt a profound sense of peace. I thought, 'This is
where you go when you die.' Then I thought, 'This is
where we are before we are born.' Then I thought, 'This
is where we always are; we just don't know it.' There
was an element of recognition about the whole thing.
I realised that there isn't any time, or perhaps just
one moment of time. The darkness was full of perfect,
infinite and eternal bliss, peace, love, safety, comfort,
joy. There was a presence that filled this 'void' which
was immeasurably and infinitely benevolent, and that
presence was/is in charge. It was 'in' me, but I was
also 'in' it, and I was only a very small part of it.
Although I do not subscribe
to any religion, I did get a little bit of biblical
imagery. I realised that the presence really did know
how many grains of sand there are and that they really
are all numbered. It knew the number of hairs on my
head. I had an internal image (although I saw nothing)
of two giant hands beneath me, and the message I got
was that, no matter what things might look like, I was/am
safe. I thought about planet Earth and what it would
look like if I could see it. I thought it would be a
little speck, a tiny pin-prick 'way down there', if
it was visible at all. If you compare a pin-prick to
the size of the universe, that is as close as I can
get to describing it.
& Finding God
- 30 year old, female
I am now 49 yrs. old. Since childhood I had suffered
from depression. As I grew older, the depression worsened.
I read all the self-help books, finally trying the latest
anti-depressants that the medical profession had to
offer. At age 30 I came to the end of myself, realizing
that nothing was going to help and the thought began
pressing more and more into my mind that I needed God
to heal me. I had always believed there was a God, the
question was "how" do I come into contact
with Him for the healing that I needed?
One evening I sat on my sofa listening to music. All
of a sudden, I seemed to be transported into a dream,
though I was not asleep at the time. I seemed to be
transported into the Paradise of God, and there, I was
a "watcher" looking about at the beauty of
nature in that place. I saw three beings in long white
robes ascend a hill, and as they reached the top, they
turned and faced towards me. They began singing, as
if praising God. All of a sudden, I was brought close
to the face of the one standing in the middle and knowledge
came into me that it was "myself" in Paradise.
At that moment God's Love seemed to fill every cell
of my being. I had always heard that He Loved me, but
I had never felt it before. I began to weep, and the
dream left me. At that moment I decided within myself...Love
this vast, this eep...required a response from me. And
I determined that no matter what the sacrifice to myself
- I would give my life, my all to my Creator that Loved
The next morning after I awoke, I knelt and poured out
my heart to God. I repented of all the times He spoke
to me in my conscience, and I disobeyed His Voice. I
told Him, "whatever you say, I will certainly do.
Whatever you ask, I will certainly give. Only heal me
and teach me Your Way."
After this prayer, my conscience spoke to me instructing
me to get up and write letters of apology to anyone
that I had wronged, or hurt. Most of that morning was
spent in writing letters. After I mailed the letters
and returned home, I knelt again repeating the same
prayer. As I waited before God in silence, my conscience
spoke to me about the material things that I loved.
I was never aware before that time, as to the "power"
that material things wielded in my life. I spent the
better part of that week selling or giving away the
things that I loved. I continually kept my thoughts
towards God, towards my desire to do
His will only. When my thoughts began to wander, I brought
them back again and again. I discovered that my thoughts
were a most unruly thing ! Like a bridle in the horses
mouth, I had to keep turning them about.
This process of "purification" was continued
outwardly, and inwardly, with my constant repeating
of the same promise that I had made to God to relinquish
all for Him. During this process of "letting go"
of the things that my conscience spoke to me about;
I began to feel more and more "free" .
Finally, when I knelt and nothing else came to mind,
I realized the Way was cleared to ask for Divine healing
by faith. To my disappointment, that day ended, not
having received the blessing that I sought. By the middle
of the following day, I was beginning to get concerned
and anxious that I had not received what I had expected
from God. Standing before a large
window in the dining room, looking out at the blue sky
and puffy white clouds, I began to speak aloud in prayer
to God. I was by now very desparate, I had given all
for Him and He had not answered. Suddenly, it dawned
on me, "what if there's no God? What if I have
given everything for nothing?" Agony shot through
my heart like an arrow, these thoughts were more than
could bear !
I yelled at God, demanding that He must do something
for me. In tears and in a state of terrible emotional
upheaval, I turned from the window and walked to the
living room and sat down facing the wall weeping. All
of a sudden I came into such a state of "stillness"
within my mind. It was as though I were standing in
a vast empty hallway, poised on the very threshhold
of Eternity. I thought to myself, "I have yelled
at God, now He is going to strike me down...this must
be the moment that people come to before God strikes
them down..." I searched for my "thoughts",
those annoying, rambling thoughts...like a radio that
could never be silenced...they were gone out from me,
taken away entirely out of my mind. I said to myself,
"what is this?"
The next moment I can only describe in these words,
for words are entirely inadequate to describe what occurred.
I felt as if I would drown in God's Love flowing into
me, it seemed to be "liquid" Love. It flowed
over me, and into me and I was filled with an indescribable
joy and such a state of blissful peace! Weeping, and
laughing at the same time!
After that experience, my conscience was very much alive
as never before, speaking so directly to me. My prayers
were answered even before I could finish speaking. I
was in a wonderful Union with God, enjoying a state
of bliss day after day. The instruction which I received
at that time was that as long as I continued to obey
His Voice through conscience, I would stay in that wonderful
Union with Him and He would empower me so that I would
remain beyond temptation...and it was so. I was tempted
concerning things, but it seemed to be that as long
as I chose His will and not mine, I remained in that
I have since come to see that the "Word" which
speaks to us through Conscience is the Voice of God
to our soul. That this is the "Word" which
it is said, "came to the various prophets (seers)
of old". That this "Word" was made flesh
(as the Scriptures say) and dwelt among us in a tent
of flesh, so that we could behold His glory". When
the Jewish nation crucified the Word
made flesh, they were crucifying the savior of us all...the
"Light that Lightens EVERY one that has ever come
into the world". (John 1) Jesus says, "the
Words that I speak TO YOU, are the very Words that will
stand up against you in the judgement." No one
else knew what was said, but you did...and God did,
because those were His Words to you personally. This
is the Way of
Union with God. And ,my depression went away that day,
and never returned...Praise be to God!
Blinding Light -
21 year old, male
I was 21 when this happened.
I am now 33 years old. This experience I will never
forget, it was the true beginning of my spiritual life.
I have told it to only a few people.
This is how it unfolded:
I had fallen asleep on my daybed the night before, and
just about dawn I woke up. I glanced out the window
for a second, and then began to drift back asleep. Suddenly,
I was standing outside the door at a hall at the college
I was attending at that time, and I was staring up at
a very full, beautiful moon. I then was startled when
strange symbols began to appear on the moon. I didn't
know what they meant, but inside they reverberated in
Then the stars began to
brighten in their magnitude, and all at once began to
shoot like comets toward the moon. They entered and
became one with the moon, and the moon grew slightly
in size, bt tremendously in brightness. There was then
a stillnes for a few moments, then the moon exploded,
showering a blinding white light down upon me, but it
did not hurt my eyes. It was then that the force of
the explosion blew me backwards slightly, and then I
became aware of a presence behind me. It caught me in
my fall and gently layed me down on my back with my
arms spread out like a cross. Then the most beautiful
male voice I had ever heard spoke directly into my mind.
First it said my name, then "No longer is there
any need to be afraid."
It was then that I looked
directly into the light. It was so bright
that I couldn't see its origin any more. I then felt
a love like I had
never known possible permeate every fibre of my being.
It came over me like warm flowing water, and I began
to weep from the depths of my soul. I reached out for
the light, and to my suprise I began to levatate toward
it until I was united with it. It was pure ecstasy,
beyond description. Words are meaningless as well as
time in that place beyond places.
I hovered in that love
for what seemed like a very long time, bathed in that
love, one with it. I knew without a doubt that IT WAS
GOD! I also know now that what had layed me back onto
the ground was Jesus himself.
The emptiness around me
as I hovered there was alive with energy and love, and
to describe it best it was as if I was in the lap of
God, and His hand was upon my head giving me All of
Himself into my being. After a short while I heard a
sound like a wind, and I was back upon my daybed, and
tears were streaming down my cheeks.
After that occurance my
life has been filled with mystical experiences, at times
on a daily basis. I see brilliant blue dots of light,
feel fire moving up my spine, and feel the Holy Spirit
move in my life. But remember, it isnt the experience
thats important, its what one learns from it. Not with
the mind, but with one's whole being.
I am thankfull that I
was given this gift so early in my life, and it is
a treasure that "moths and dust " shall never
I shall leave with one
of my favorite quotes from Meister Eckhart: "The
eye with which God sees us is the same eye through which
we see God"
the Vortex - 6 or
7 year old, male
This was probably fall
1959/spring 1960, and I was at primary school in England.
It was a low brick built Victorian building, similar
to many other purpose built schools constructed around
the 1870/80s, particularly in the industrial
areas of northern England.
As a child I often felt
quite alone and was described as diffident; I found
it hard to join in games and was probably not invited
to....I seem to remember playing with others in a 1
to 1 situation rather than being part of a team, gang
or organized game. I seem to remember being on my own
often too, in the playground or standing on a low parapet
and holding onto iron railings, looking through them
at the lorries and vans passing on the main road. At
that time they were often beautifully sign written,
hand painted, with the name of the company, the telephone
numbers and where they were based.....decorative cream
or ivory lettering, often outlined and shadowed, painted
onto the cab doors or the sides of dark blue or bright
That was in the big playground.
Round the other side of the school was a smaller playground,
surrounded by old brick walls, with a scruffy patched
tarmac surface and a large old hawthorn tree that flowered
in the spring, cast shade in the summer and dripped
from bare black twigs in the winter.
To return to the school buildings from the small playground
one had to go through a doorway in a wall. To the right
of the doorway, within the playground, was a shed that
contained sports equipment.
It was a day that was
neither sunny and warm, nor cold and grey....it was
what people used to call a mild day. I was about 6,
maybe 7, and I was standing on that spot, just a few
feet in front of that doorway, with the grey painted
shed to my right. There was playground noise ....boys
pretending to be aeroplanes, a football thudding and
scraping around and the shouts of a game, girls bouncing
balls against a high wall....shouts and screams and
footsteps running around me, the sounds of that semi
organised freedom that is compressed into 15 minutes
before the bell goes and the playground empties.
On that spot a voice started
saying my name in my head, quietly but insistently at
first---Mark E.--- Mark E.---Mark E.---Mark E.--- over
and over and over, and as it repeated these words, it
became not only louder but somehow bigger, emptier and
with more echo, and as it expanded in this way, the
words began to cease to contain their meaning. The playground
noises faded away, the sense of standing on the tarmac
surface disappeared, the buildings and my sense of place
were replaced by a vast darkness that was unimaginably
enormous. The voice continued but no longer sounded
like a voice and the words had ceased to be words, but
the sound continued to expand and amplify....becoming
like an endless wailing bellowing howl, unimaginably
loud and continuous, echoing in some vast black space
without edges or boundaries. The sound just kept on
growing....ceasing to become sound and becoming just
a huge booming universal resonance that was like witnessing
something primordial and fundamental, as if this was
the root of all sound, the raw material of sensation.
Any sense of space and time or awareness of contrast
was gone, there was nothing to see, or to feel and it
seemed that the noise reached such a pitch, such a resonance,
such unfathomable depth, that it became truly nothing;
not nothing as something small, but nothing
so big that it contained every imaginable thing in the
When the sensation began
to subside, like thunder rolling away, I had an incredibly
intense feeling that I had been hurtling at unbelievable
speed through, up or down some vast spinning vortex
of darkness, completely alone. I really felt as though
I had been picked up by a gigantic hand and been thrown
across the universe until I had reached the absolute
zero limits of something, and then deposited back on
earth, as if by a reverse whirlwind that spun itself
down to a tiny point to leave me exactly where I had
been standing before.
I remember feeling strangely
and completely stunned. The activities going on in the
playground were as if I had missed about 2-3 minutes.
The bell had gone, most people were going in, and I
was kind of in the way, standing as I was just a few
feet in front of the doorway. The playground was emptier
and children were walking and running past me through
the doorway, back to the building. I had no one to tell
this to, either at school, or when I got home, and it
was a long time before I told anyone, I was perhaps
in my 30s, and since then I have only told about
3 people at all....and this is the first time that I
have written it down.
Looking back over 40 years,
to that moment, it still seems that it was the most
real thing that has ever happened to me somehow. If
I try and make sense of it, why it happened and why
it happened to me, I cant. If I try and find explanations....was
it a fit?, was it a religious experience?, was it a
symptom of mental illness?..........I have no success
The only way I can describe
it, as an adult, is in the most general terms. It is
as if I had been given some form of insight into the
personally specific and the totally universal, and the
relationship between them; how they co-exist in reality.
I dont know if it was a gift or a curse, I sometimes
feel that it is something that I was given but have
never discovered how to use; at other times I think
it was random, without rhyme or reason or purpose. I
have never met anyone who has had a similar experience.....but
then maybe many people have and have kept it to themselves,
because they dont want to be thought of as crazy
or cant make any more sense out of it than I can......I
just dont know.
And maybe thats
the whole point......that I have some proof of sorts
that we really do not know, that we have absolutely
no idea at all.
I went back to the same spot and stood on it about 18
months ago. The buildings and playground are still there,
though they have a different uses; it is no longer a
school. The wall and the doorway near where I stood
have gone, as has the shed, but I can still identify
the exact point were it happened.
I stood on it. Nothing happened, nothing at all. The
same person, nearly 40 years on, in exactly the same
spot. Just a gritty scruffy piece of tarmac, no children.
Just a man standing still for a minute, then walking
Stones - 42 year
Traveled to Shrophshire,
England, the place my ancestors left from in 1703 to
immigrate to the United States. Prior to my trip I had
several dreams about England. At some point in time
I decided to go to England, I don't recall if this was
before or after the dreams. While looking at a map of
Shrophshire, I noticed a note that said, "Mithchell's
Fold Stone Circle." I had no idea what this was
and I could find no information other than what was
on the map. I felt drawn to go to this point on the
map and had a general plan to go there.
On Monday the 17th I set
out for the Shrophshire countryside, and a few miles
outside of Shrewsbury the roads became desolate and
I encountered fewer and fewer cars. I took some back-roads
out of Bishop's Castle (a small town with neither a
bishop nor castle) and headed for Church Stoke on the
Welsh boarder. I took a small road, barely wide enough
for one car and surrounded by high hedges towards the
towns of Old Church Stoke and Priestweston. Once I arrived
in Priestweston I discovered that it was smaller than
its dot on the map and consisted of a few houses. There,
at a fork in the road, I saw a sign for the Stone Circle
and as I made a left turn, I noticed a man of about
thirty and we exchanged glances, he looked familiar
On the flight over I had
been reading The Celestine Prophesy, a "New
Age" mystery novel about a search for a mysterious
document of revelation. In it there was references to
synchronistic encounters, and the need to overcome the
reluctance to speak to the other people involved in
these encounters. The book also made reference to the
spiritual characteristics of mountains and sacred places
and the "energy" that they contain. The book
came to me quite by accident and I had not
heard of it till the day before my departure.
Leaving Priestweston for
the Stone Circle I encountered another small sign that
pointed the way. I followed a muddy, rutted road, which
looked like a driveway to a house. I drove a short way
up a small hill and I encountered a gate that I assumed
was locked. There were no signs and there was a house
next to the gate and I waited to see if someone would
come out. I could not see anything that remotely resembled
a stone or a circle. Finally, I gave up and returned
to Priestweston but with a determination to ask the
man I had seen about the Stone Circle.
Encountering him again,
I asked about the location of the Stone Circle; telling
him that I had followed the signs and that I had found
only locked gate. He told me that the gate should not
have been locked and I had to confess that I had not
tried to open the gate. (This was an important insight
about projecting assumptions onto reality.)
He told me to go through the gate and that the Stone
Circle was at the top of the small mountain. Up to this
point it had not occurred to me that the Stone Circle
was at the top of a mountain.
Going back to the gate,
I opened it and then drove up the muddy, rutted road,
following the well-worn path to the top of the hill.
At the top the view flattened out into a magnificent
vista and right in front of me was the Stone Circle.
A small sign indicated that this was a 4000-year-old
monument that probably had some religious significance.
All that remained was a collection of 15 stones arranged
in a circle of 72 meters in diameter. I paced off the
distance between the stones that seemed to be opposed
to each other and discovered that the distance was 26
paces between them. I did this several times in order
to determine the center of the circle. I marked off
the center and discovered that the center seemed to
be a small area about a foot square.
Standing in the center
of this square, I felt a euphoric rush of energy. I
faced the four points of the compass with my eyes opened
and closed. It felt so good that I didn't want to leave
the spot and considered spending the night there and
at the very least, returning the next day to take pictures.
I felt that somehow this feeling of energy was the primary
reason for my coming to England and that this energy
was somehow for the benefit of my life from that point
forward. I prayed that I would be able to use this energy
for the greater good as well as my own. I had a sense
that this was somehow connected with a feeling that
I had, which was that there was connected with me some
ancient royal lineage; that I had been a king in some
time past and that this spot was connected with that
The Stone Circle is on
a mesa, on the horizon are mountains and the land below
is not visible, only the sky and mountains can be seen.
To the east is Corndon Hill, which was also an ancient
burial ground, and is the
dominating view on the horizon. The view to the south,
far off in the distance is a mountain range in Wales
and to the west is again a mountain range in Wales.
I was amazed at the choice of this spot because the
view was so spectacular and it blocked out any view
of the mundane reality of the land below. The stones
had to have been carried up the hill from great distances
and the stones were big and heavy, the biggest was about
the size of a large man. It had the characteristics
of a cathedral in that it blocked out reality and enabled
a focus on the heavens above. The Stone Circle cannot
be seen till one reaches the top and once at the top
one cannot see from whence one came.
The surrounding foliage
was a rich burnt umber color and the grass a dark green
and tan. The sight was very intoxicating and the colors
seemed artistically perfect. I arrived at the Circle
about 1:00 pm and stayed there till about 4:00. In all
that time I encountered few people. Once a grandmother,
her daughter and two small children arrived and walked
to the circle, but they did not stay long. A man on
horseback arrived, we exchanged greetings and he rode
through twice and that was the extent of visitors while
I was there. My time alternated between experiencing
the energy in the circle and mapping out the positions
of the stones. On paper, I have been unable to replicate
the geometry that causes the square to appear in the
center of the circle when the circle is paced off.
Returning to the Stone
Circle the next day in order to take pictures, I did
not experience the surge of energy that I experienced
the first time, however I did stand in the center and
meditate and take pictures of the views.
Relationship - 48
year old, male
Ms. X and I arrive at
my house at about 3 AM. She goes to sleep on the couch
in the living room, and me in my bed. I stayed awake
for a while. As I start to fall asleep and begin to
have a sexual fantasy about her. Suddenly there is a
tremendous feeling of energy all around me and I realize
that Ms. X is experiencing this too. I begin to see
a mandala like image and the furniture in the room begins
to make popping and cracking sounds. In a dream like
state I begin to travel and I can see things hazily.
I attempt to stop the experience; it frightens me and
it has never happened to me before.
The next day Ms. X asks
me if I want to talk about what happened last night.
She asks me if I felt the energy, and I say I did. She
tells me her version of the experience: She was making
love to an unknown man, but not me, and I was watching
and offering her instructions. I was telling her that
this was the way to make love and conceive a child.
We then traveled together to see some things. She says
that she heard a noise in the dream like a buzzing or
popping sound and that she woke up to check it out,
and realizing that the noises were in the dream, she
went back into the dream, but I was asleep and didnt
return to the travel.
During the next day I
had several experiences in which she answered questions
that I had not yet spoken and she would acknowledge
a thought I had not yet spoken.
A few weeks later, with
similar sleeping arrangements, Ms. Xs energy enters
my room. There is an electronic cable leading from a
recording device into a computer in my room. Ms. X had
touched it and it made a humming sound on the computers
speakers. This evening, while the computer was off,
the humming sound once again came from the computers
speakers while I felt her energy. We did not discuss
this experience, since these encounters had put a strain
on our Platonic relationship.
I slept outside on the
deck and Ms. X slept in the living room. While I was
still awake, lying on my back, I could feel her energy
on my chest. It felt sexual and I told her I didnt
want this experience, she tells me that its good
and that we should do this. She suggests that we have
physical sex as well. This happens several times and
I keep changing positions to avoid this contact.
Somewhere around 5 AM
I have a dream in which I am camping with Ms. X and
possibly some others; in the dream I fall asleep and
I am being molested by what I think is a bear, but instead
it is Ms. Xs energy.
Later that day, Ms. X
and I go to a store and she seems out of sorts. We talk
about her confusion and uncertainties. After about a
half an hour of conversation, I told her that I had
a restless night and we began to
discuss the experience, which she had also. In her version,
at about 6 am she had a dream where I was laying next
to her and I had an erection and was trying to have
sex with her.
There were several more
(at least a dozen) encounters like these; sometimes
we were great distances apart These are the only two
that we were willing to acknowledge to each other. In
every case there was a highly charged sexual content,
but in conscious reality we had no sexual
desire for each other. This contact later caused a rift
between us and we spent less time with each other after
Sometimes we would do
yoga and meditate with each other and I could feel her
energy. Once, while doing yoga, I decided to use
some of her energy and she felt it and asked me what
I was doing using her energy.
Back - 25 year old, female
In 1987 I had a near death
experience. I was in a hospital and was given too much
medication. I left my body and was surrounded by peace
and an intense love. I was jumping around and playing
in a field of green grass which had a lot of beautiful
flowers in it. Suddenly I was standing in front of Jesus.
As I looked up at him, He was very sad and had tears
falling from his eyes. Then I saw a man who was bald.
He was looking down. His eyes were lowered as if he
was ashamed of something. He said to me "It's not
your time, Go back." Then I was back in my body
on the hospital bed and the nurse was giving me a shot.
I had a cardiac arrest and was gone for over five minutes.
After this experience, I was diagnosed with a mitral
Awakening - 49 year old, female
The date was 18th January `95, I awoke and the clock
said 8.40am. I was loathe to get up yet, as I felt unusually
calm and serene. I began to think deeply about a book
I`d read that week about reincarnation. I wondered "
if it was true," I found myself smiling for no
reason, and gradually becoming incredibly happy! I was
surrounded by Pure Love and knew it was God. I had an
answer to my question!
Next, I saw a beautiful bluey-white shaft of light,
powerful yet gentle. I`ll never forget it`s beauty.
Small white lights appeared, dancing around me, like
a mini laser light show. This light held me, I could
feel it especially round my shoulders. I could feel
joy, compassion, harmony, tranquility, mercy, unconditional
perfect love, seperately, yet all rolled into one, incredible!
Immense Love, kept coming and I felt I couldn`t hold
it all. Overwhelming! This Love ran through my body,
the whole of my being, like a river. I was in
I looked to my chest area, as I seemed to be expecting
something to happen. A small dark ball glided out from
my chest area. Golden light shot out from it in all
directions, very beautiful. This was my soul! I was
having an involuntary `Out -of-body experience. All
awareness was now hovering just below the ceiling. I
looked down at my live body. I could see through the
duvet to my bare legs, and I saw through the wall to
the landing beyond. It felt quite natural to me and
I weighed nothing, and I felt round like a ball. In
this state I must have had X - Ray eyes! I realized
our bodies are vehicles for the soul, and we are eternal.
I found myself floating in a void, beyond space and
time. I could see our galaxy in the distance. I knew
exactly where I was. I encountered an invisible barrier,
and knew I could go no further. I saw huge white rays
of light way in the distance, knew I would go there
one day, when I die. In this place there was no time.
Then I received a telepathic
message, coming from a great distance. The speaker was
male, but I absolutely knew for sure, he wasn`t human.
He spoke very clearly in English, he said, "God
loves you, God loves every single one of us." I
wondered if he was an angel, as they are supposed to
be messengers of God. Pity I couldn`t see him.
Next, I heard a throbbing noise. I was aware of a Supreme
Being, which I couldn`t see, but knew was God. This
pulsating noise was constant and very, very powerful,
a Living Prescence. His Song of Life reverberating through
all the universe. I became ONE with it, in harmony with
all creation, magnificent! Quite indescribable!
I had no reccollection of travelling back, I knew I
was back in my body. I rushed to the mirror and saw
my radiant face, a much
younger me staring back! The clock said 9.l0am. This
wonder had lasted about 30minutes! Just then my husband
woke up, I told him what had happened, and he said I
looked very happy. The rest of the day I felt invincible
and supremely fit. I could `see` a golden aura around
my body, extending to about three feet. How, I don`t
know! It faded by late afternoon.
I have learned, Earth is our nursery, to learn compassion
for others. To enable our soul`s to evolve, we reincarnate.
An Out-of-body is like dying, of which I am no longer
afraid of. Dying is like entering another room, we move
on. There is a loving God, I know this now for sure.
I am so lucky!
Six months later I had another wonderful experience,
but that`s another story.
To See God -
year old, male
I was 13 when it happened
and I am in my 40's now, so it has been over 30 years---yet
I remember the events which took place as if it were
I was feeling depressed
about something as I made my way up the mountain trail
to be alone as I often did when things got too heavy
for me. It was getting close to dinner time so I decided
not go far and made my way to a narrow ridge that overlooked
the small West Virginia mining town that I grew up in.
It was a beautiful late afternoon in May and I remember
noticing how green everything had become since winter
As I sat there doodling in the dirt with a small stick
I had found I began to feel very strange, then suddenly
it was as though I just elevated off the ground about
a foot or so and remained there- suspended in mid-air!
Glancing down, I could see that I was still planted
firmly on the ground...so how???
Searching for an answer,
I soon became conscious of something like a "breeze"
that was rising from within me and escaping through
the top of my head - like steam blowing up through the
spout of a tea kettle.
As I marvelled at this
glittering Energy that I knew was my life-force, it
suddenly occurred that this was my own true self!!!
I remember whispering in astonished recognition..."That's
ME!" It resembled a gentle yet powerful stream
which was taking a definite upwards and outwards direction
leading behind me. I had not idea at the time why it
was taking such an obvious direction, I was just simply
AMAZED at what I was witnessing! For a second I became
afraid that it would all run out and I would surely
die, but somehow it didn't seem to matter and it would
have been perfectly natural for me to die there on that
Just then, an erie feeling
came over me and it dawned that there was someone standing
directly behind me. Naturally I assumed the worse and
figured some drunk or crazy person from the town had
somehow managed to stumble upon me. Confused as to how
he could have gotten so close without me hearing, I
froze, too terrified to run or even move for fear of
provoking a sudden attack. I could move my head just
enough to make out a slight portion of a solid black
figure out of the corner of my left eye. As I started
to turn completely around I heard a rumbling sound like
thunder that seemed to come from inside me somehow and
I understood perfectly well that it meant not to turn
I knew everyone in that
small town, so I was concentrating with all my might
for some clue of who it could be but there was nothing
but this...Presence. Gradually I began to notice that
there was something "odd" about it and as
I began to believe the unbelievable it appeared to glow
a little. So I believed more. It glowed brighter. The
more I believed the brighter it glowed, and the brighter
it glowed the more I believed, until at last it stood
there in FULL BRILLIANT GLORY!
Being raised in a Christian
family, I knew nothing of a Supreme Self, all I knew
was that I was now in God's Presence yet somehow the
word "God" just wouldn't cut it...IT was beyond
all words and concepts. I KNEW who it was though and
moved my head completely forward and asked humbly with
my feelings, "Are you going to...hurt me?"
No sooner did I ask when
I suddenly realized I was grinning from ear to ear!
It began deep in my groin area and as it grew in intensity
a feeling of incredible JOY overcame me. Such beauty!
Then another a little higher up! They continued this
way all the way up through my body and each one was
joyous beyond description. Finally, the last one exploded
in the center of my forehead and my entire being was
in a state of total Bliss (I discovered later that these
were known as chakras).
Then, as if looking into
a mirror, I could see IT clearly, standing there behind
me with arms outstretched as if to say...I AM. I gazed
directly into the face to see if it looked anything
like the pictures I had seen of Jesus, but the soft,
yet powerful glow would not allow any distinct features
to be made out. At one point during this time I felt
the intense presence of a FEMALE radiating from IT!
As the experience began
to dimish, I began to wonder if I could spin around
very quickly and confront it, but when I did...ZAP!
The whole thing was over in the blink of an eye. Dumbfounded,
I stood up and looked around...judging by the position
of the sun going down and the shadows being cast over
the trail below, the whole thing could not have lasted
more than a minute or two at the most.
I was completely disoriented as far as time and my first
though was that I would be in big trouble for missing
dinner. As I made my way back down the hill on my very
weak and rubbery legs, I stopped often to reflect on
it and tried to understand what it could have been.
I had no idea at all but I was sure it was much too
Holy to risk being laughed at so I decided then and
there never to tell anyone about it. I kept that promise
for 30 years; but now that I know others have experienced
such things I feel safe in talking about it---perhaps
for the last time.
Art - 23 year old, Female
When I was 23-years-old,
I had an experience that changed my life. I later learned
that others had had similar experiences and that they
were called mystical experiences. After looking at a
piece of art (by
Salvador Dali), I became aware of some truths about
myself and the world around me. Those truths included
the sense of oneness with everything - other people,
animals and nature - in fact, it seemed the whole universe.
It felt as if I was tapping into some kind of God-like
energy or truth and the world changed from black-and-white
to colour. I had a feeling of inevitability - as if
the "universe was unfolding as it should"
(Desiderata) and that if I died at that particular moment
in time, I would be perfectly happy and content. In
fact an overwhelming sense of well-being, being loved
by God and, for the first time in my life, being able
to love myself, prevailed. I felt blessed and realized
the insignificance of physical and material realities.
An incredible sense of peace permeated my life and for
the next three months I wandered around in a state of
Although the feeling faded
gradually, it has never totally left me. Over the past
18 years I strove to return to that state and to maintain
it. I wonder if it is possible to remain in that state
for any length of time. Pieces come back to me - and
I find I can recall the feeling, for at least a short
while, by utilizing mental imagery. If this is a glimpse
of heaven or enlightenment - it is indeed a state to
another's subconscious memory of action -- Female
I am a 30-year old female.
This experience concerned a lost ring of keys for an
office wing. The ring was shared by myself and my 2
support staff. A conference room needed to be quickly
set up for a morning staff meeting. I unlocked the room,
setting the keys on the conference table, and had to
leave for other business. One support person (Ann) finished
preparations for the room by herself.
It was later determined
the ring of keys was missing, and because this ring
frequently changed hands, no one really knew who had
it last. The 3 support staff continued to look everywhere
for the ring of keys and couldn't find it.
Later that day, I went
to the bathroom and, while washing my hands, I had a
clear visual memory of a hand putting the ring in a
drawer of a TV cabinet in the conference room. Of course,
I thought it must have been my hand putting it there
and that I had forgotten it.
I went directly to room--opened
this drawer and there was the ring of keys. Ann walked
in and saw I had it, and said in surprise that now she
remembered putting it there. She asked how did I know
to look in the drawer. I said that I figured I must
have put the keys there by mistake during the rush,
because I had just "seen" a hand putting them
there (while washing my hands in the bathroom).
She said no, she had definitely
put them there from the conference table, and she proceeded
to tell me that she had been in the conference room
by herself preparing for the meeting, when one of the
executive staff walked in with an urgent request for
another aspect of the meeting preparation elsewhere.
Somewhat flustered, she quickly put the keys in the
drawer so no one would take them and rushed off to help
him. With the confusion of the morning, she had just
forgotten about the keys.
Therefore I realized the
visualization I had in the bathroom had been of Ann's
hand, at a time and location I was not present for,
and which she herself had no conscious memory of until
the seeing of the ring of keys triggered her memory.
Christ Consciousness and St. Germain - Female
April 8, 1998. Second
OBE in two days (It was preceded by an infintessimally
fine vibration.) This one was long and I feel I could
have stayed longer had I wanted to. Seemed to have a
lot more control. Like yesterday morning, I felt myself
slip out of my body. There was no pin prick this time.
I exited front, seemed like it was through my heart
chakra. It felt like the gentle draft created by a slight
of hand move. I'd previously thought to have exited
through my crown. Don't think so now. The tube this
time was pure gold, ribbed in formation and quite wide
in diameter---4 or 5 inches. The velocity was very high
and the vibration extremely intense. The sound in the
tube was identical to the sound of air passing through
From the time of take-off
I felt...To continue reading this account, click here.
Clans & Seers - Male
My paternal grandfather
was born Dewitt Frederick Affleck about 1880. His father
who emigrated from Scotland arrived,
we think in Philadelphia in the mid to late 1800s.
When the baby was about 3 years old, his natural father
and his mother remarried L__., changing the babys
name to Frederick Affleck L__.. My family has neither
a birth nor death certificate for great grandfather
Affleck. The likely location of the documents, Seneca
Falls, NY had a destructive fire in the town hall of
records in 1885.
I had known of the true
name of my grandfather for most of my life, but it was
not until about 1978 that I found in the Arlington Virginia
library reference on Scottish names that Affleck
was a contraction of the longer Scots Gaelic name Achadnaleach,
or Auchinlech, both the same in pronunciation as the
Anglicized and much shortened Affleck. Further the long
name Achadnaleach translates as "dweller
in the field of stones". In 1978, I didnt
have any idea what this meaning would indicate, however
as it began to occur to me when we were doing our regressions,
Druids were quite often thought in folklore to have
lived in the stone cains of the British
Isles! These cairns were built up huts made of large
field stones, with the ground hollowed out underneath,
and were not merely used as funeral mounds. There is
also a small village of Auchenleck in the hills east
of Ayr Scotland, just south of Glasgow.
Today the Affleck family
is a sept, or sub or related clan to the Clan Lindsay,
to which Association I belong. Of the Clan Lindsay Association,
worldwide, we have at present five active Affleck members.
About 1978, there was
a group in DC that put on fun, short $5 classes in evenings
in the DC area. One of those which I attended was a
workshop called "Regression". In those days,
I had not yet begun to pursue my alternative philosophy
interests, and thus it was all a strange and new notion
for me. I hadn't the slightest idea what I was doing,
and Im not certain that the moderator of this
little workshop had much idea what he was doing either,
and he simply didnt explain that he was conducting
When in the very relaxed
state he had suggested us into, I had this very vague
insight that I might have been some sort of moneyed
or propertied "gentleman" in the late Victorian
era. I could even "see" the manor home in
which I'd lived then. I had envisioned living fairly
regally in a large stone Victorian manor house in the
outskirts of a large city. I had been a member of a
certain class, but it didnt seem petty nobility,
rather more like Id bought into it, perhaps businessman
or such. Just as in my current situation in modern times,
I was in a sort of hapless marriage. I had wedded to
help obtain that place in society, and it had cost me
a difficult conscience. Even in my own passing, as comfortable
surroundings could be had for that event at the time,
I found no warmth, just as Id found no warmth,
nor caring in my fine estate or job or elevated family
ties. Yet I was able to virtually see the tight creases
in my woolen suit pants legs, and my fine and well-bred
horses. I could even "see" the manor home
in which I felt I was living in.
To continue reading this
account, click here.
of Body or Near Death? - 24 year old, female
10 October 1964 - Rio
de Janeiro, Brazil. I was 24 y.o. at that time. It happened
while I was in the delivery room of the hospital, giving
birth to my first child. I had never felt so alone in
my whole life. My family didn't know I was in the hospital.
My husband was there in the waiting room, but I had
come to the realization that we were not so close, were
it not for my pregnancy our marriage would have already
ended. I had been on the verge of a nervous breakdown
for the last few months.
While I was doing my best
to bring that child to this world, I had been focusing
on the huge light fixture over the table which reflected
some of what was going on around me. Right after my
baby boy was born, the nurse showed him to me, stopping
briefly by my side on her way to cleaning him. I hardly
glimpsed at his features. I was exausted. I lay there
staring at that light above me and all of a sudden I
felt like I was flying in the direction of that light
and I began to float above everything in that room,
immersed in the light, seeing myself lying on the table,
the baby being tended to by the nurse right behind me,
the doctor doing his job. My viewpoint was from way
above everything in that delivery room. I was very calm,
very much in peace, felt no more pain. I was just an
observer of what was going on. I perceived all movements
in slow motion, as if everyone was underwater or floating
at gravity zero. There was a background silence but
every once in a while I could hear sounds of surgical
instruments. Weird sounds, soft and lasting, prolonged,
echoed. That lasted for what seemed to me as a long
time. I was just there watching everything, feeling
in peace. Suddenly I was brought back to reality. Nurses
were working on my right arm and hand, trying to get
some vein, checking my blood pressure. Both pulse and
blood pressure were very low, they were trying to revive
me. They were glad I opened my eyes. I have some trouble
classifying this experience. Was it an "out-of-body"
experience or a "near-to-death" experience?
Whichever name we may give to it, there was a mystical
part of it, which consisted in a gradual realization
on my part that was that baby that somehow brought me
back to life. I always had that impression but never
shared it with anyone.
Many years went by, my
son grew up and got interested in spiritual matters,
He once heard from a clairvoyant that the two of us
were kindred spirits, that I almost died when he was
born, and that he was the one who brought me back. I
recently heard the same thing from another clairvoyant.
Needless to say, I'm very close to this son.
Travel To The Past - 38 year old, female
One evening in Rio de
After having sent all my children to bed and finished
all my household chores, I was ready to see yet another
day come to a close. I prepared myself to go to bed,
got my mini-TV and put it on the night stand, turned
it on and lay on my side in order to watch something
'til midnight, which was the time to breastfeed my baby
daughter. After a while I turned the TV off because
somehow I was not paying any attention to it. I did
not fall asleep. I was fully aware of where I was, of
my lying position on my left side, of all the objects
on my night stand. I was just "hearing" the
silence and my mind was empty of thoughts.
All of a sudden, I found
myself in a totally different place. I was still lying
on my side, but kind of floating behind my grandfather's
desk in his office/library in our old family house over
1,200 miles away, back in my hometown. Moreover, that
place looked exactly like it did in the
past: the shelves were full of books, there were huge
piles of papers, magazines and books on the floor...
I thought: "This can't be. I'm not supposed to
be here. What's going on?" Then, I heard footsteps
approaching that room. They came from the corridor.
They where the unmistakable footsteps of my grandfather,
who had died ten years ago. I somehow knew I was going
to see him. I knew that he was going to enter that room
at any minute. I anxiously waited to hear him take the
two steps down to the library. And then I heard the
wood floor make that characteristic cracking sound it
always did when anyone stepped down those two steps
onto the library.
I became very nervous,
I didn't want him to see me. I was hoping he wouldn't,
because I was behind his desk... If only I could hide
a bit lower behind his chair... Then I saw my grandfather
enter his library, his sacred palce, his hideaway, where
one would enter by invitation only. And there I was,
uninvited, and didn't know what to do. So I just watched.
He walked around, glimpsing at his books (his treasures),
kind of inspected the whole room, walking around very
at ease, seeming much younger than when I last saw him.
I could see all the details in his clothes, the trousers
with suspenders, the slippers he always wore at home,
his undershirt with three buttons in the neck opening,
his round, metal framed eyeglasses. He seemed much younger
indeed. Then, all of a sudden, I'm back in my bed.
I'm still lying on my
side, but feeling my body SO heavy it would seem I weighted
tons... I even had the impression that my bed could
collapse due to my new weight, and so could the floor
beneath it, and maybe the whole apartment building...
And so, little by little, I began to make myself aware
of my surroundings. I saw the alarm clock on my nightstand
and I realized that only a couple of minutes had elapsed.
Then my husband arrived home from his night shift teaching
job. I wanted to tell him what had happened but didn't
seem to find the right words. I think I sort of minimized
the whole experience. He said that was a dream. What
else? On the following morning I received a call from
a family member in my hometown, telling me that my great-grandfather's
estate had finally been settled and that our side of
the family had gotten the property where that house
was. The house where my grandfather lived all his life.
And that I had just visited in a time-travel experience.
And Tremendous Strength - 21 year old, female
January 7, 1961 - My 21st birthday. I'm driving fast
on a dirt road in the south of Brazil. My mother is
riding in the passenger seat. We're going from Pelotas
(my hometown) to my aunt's estancia (a combination of
cattle ranch and farm) in Bage, where she and her husband
are hosting a weekend-long celebration for their silver
I'm not used to driving
in dirt roads and I'm also speeding - in part because
I'm trying to follow another family car on an unknown
road, in part because I'm really mad that I have to
go to this event on the very day of my birthday, when
I had other plans... I lose sight of the car in front
of me. I'm afraid I may get lost if I don't make the
right turn at the right side road. All of a sudden I
loose control of the car and I watch it go off the road
and flip over, once, twice...
Then there's Silence.
Peace. I'm really lying on my stomach, crushed between
the body of the car and the ground, but I'm not aware
of my physical state. I can't feel my body or any pain.
I only feel that I'm flying in that horizontal position.
I'm flying very fast through a kind of tunnel - a very
narrow tunnel, in the vertical sense, but as wide as
I can possibly imagine, in the horizontal sense. I know
I'm going somewhere and I'm eager to get there. I'm
attracted by a bright, flat, horizontal light. I'm flying
in that direction. I'm thinking: "Just a little
bit more and I'll be there. Then I'll know everything.
There will be no more secrets. I'll find the Truth."
These thoughts bore no anxiety, they were like a simple
statement. I was in peace. Almost as if in touch with
the divine. As I felt myself flying through the tunnel
in direction of the light, I began seeing my whole life
pass before my eyes, as if in a movie, very quick scenes
of all important events since my early childhood, one
after the other, very fast. All my significant ones
were there somehow, both the living and the deceased.
Then another thought crossed my mind: "Am I already
dead? Am I dying?"
And then came the reaction:
"I don't want to die now. I still have things to
do, places to go, people that I want to see once again
before I die..." It was then that I suddenly felt
crushed by the weight of the car on my back. I was back
into my body and feeling all the unbearable pain in
my flesh and bones. At the same moment I became aware
that my Mom could be in an even worst situation than
mine and I tried desperately to squeeze myself out of
the wreck. My mother had gotten out of the car through
the broken windshield and was a little bruised, but
otherwise unharmed. She was desperate, I could hear
her cry and speak to me but I couldn't answer. She tried
to lift the car, pulling up the overturned bumper. I
felt a small relief of the pressure on my back and manage
to clear part of my head from the wreck. I mumbled some
words of help and heard my Mom reply: "I'm here
and I'm going to take this car off your back."
Then, all I know is that
my petite, 5-foot-3 mother, just one month before turning
50, went ahead and lifted an automobile so that her
daughter could squeeze her body out and be saved. As
I was lying on the ground exausted, the two of us could
only look into each other's eyes and silently acknowledge
that we had lived through an extraordinary experience.
Then help came, and the magic was gone. I spent 4 weeks
in the hospital with a hairline fracture to my hipbone
and multiple bruises. My mother was OK, although all
the veins in her neck and arms were visible and bruised
for several weeks. She was proud and happy of having
saved my life, exactly 21 years after she gave it to
me. We became very close after this extraordinary event.
We knew we shared something special. Whereas my mystical
experience consisted of the near-to-death vision in
which I felt close to the eternal truth, my mother's
mystical experience was that, in her despair of seeing
her daughter under the wrecked car, she felt a superhuman
energy take control of her hands, arms and shoulders,
"as if someone else from above had used her body"
(her words) to do the job of lifting the car and bringing
her daughter back to safety. My mother was not religious.
She had been baptized in the Roman Catholic tradition,
had a church wedding, and had her children baptized
- but that was all. After this event, she not only went
back to the church, but became a very active Catholic
and a true believer until she died 27 years after, in
New Year's Eve 1991 - We had
been invited to a party at our neighbor's and I was having
a hard time trying to convince my children to come too,
because they had other plans. My 13 year old daughter
had been invited to sleep over at a friend's and I had
no problem with that. But I had a "feeling"
(maybe a premonition) that my 16 year old son should come
Angelic Doctor, 50 year old female
It was difficult to
try to convince him to spend a prospective boring evening
among adults and small kids, when he could have a much
better time with at his friend's house among other teenagers.
I eventually gave up and watched myself saying that he
could go but... he could not leave the house under any
circumstances - he should drive to the house, park the
car, enter the house, and leave only next morning when
he was ready to come home. I could not really understand
why I was saying that.
We had not yet gone to our neighbor's when the bad news
came. My son had left the house to go play wrestling with
a guy in the yard and was in the hospital with a broken
arm. We rushed to the hospital. The ER doctor told me
it was a very bad fracture and he needed surgery. I went
to see my son, his shoulder was a mess. The X-rays showed
a puzzle of scattered pieces, the umerus broken at the
base of the ball and that ball out of the socket. I was
asked if we had a bone surgeon. We didn't. I assumed they
would call the orthopedic surgeon on call. My son had
been sedated. I was alone with him in the emergency room.
I never felt so alone in my life. I wanted to pray but
words wouldn't come to my mind. I was very scared. We
had just arrived in this country, didn't know how things
worked. On a festive day like that, I would not be able
to reach my ex-husband in Brazil, and he had no idea that
his son had been injured and would soon undergo surgery.
I just wanted to go back in time and erase what had happened.
I wished I had never let my son go out that day. I felt
guilty because I knew something bad might happen.
Then I put my hands over my son's wounded shoulder and
tried to get some energy from my body into his. There
couldn't be much energy flowing from me, as I was feeling
very weak. I began thinking of my deceased parents and
grandparents, and of how much I missed my family. I asked
them for help. I don't know how many seconds or minutes
I stay like that, with my eyes closed, praying for help
from somewhere. But gradually I felt like the room was
filled with friends, as if I was not alone. I felt a flow
of energy around me. Then this doctor enters the room.
He is young, has blond, curly hair, blue eyes, and looks
like an angel. He wears a white hospital gown and wears
a name tag. He tells me he is with the orthopedic team
and was sent to make a manipulation on my son's arm, to
try to put the bone back where it belongs, as much as
he can, to make surgery easier. He explains that if he
gets a 70-80% result with this procedure, my son's arm
will be in much better shape for the surgery.
All the time he's speaking to me, I'm trying to look at
his name tag so I can call him by name, but somehow I
can't. Somehow my eyes can't look away from his eyes while
he's talking. He asks me to leave the room and go the
waiting area. After a long while, as no one called me
back, I re-enter the emergency area just to see the same
doctor walking on the corridor in my direction. He takes
me to my son's room. He shows me new X-rays and asks me
what I see. I see a normal skeleton, everything back in
place, but do not immediately acknowledge what's going
on, all I can do is just stare at him.
It just occurred to
me to ask what was the percentage of success achieved
with his procedure, to which he replied: How about 100%?
I then realized that no surgery would be needed. He proceeded
to immobilize my son's arm, wrote him a prescription for
a pain-killer, and left. I was left there waiting for
something to happen. It seemed as if the staff had forgotten
us in that room. When finally the ER doctor showed up
in the room to check on my son, I told him what had happened
and showed him the new X-ray. He couldn't believe it.
He called three other doctors and the four of them kept
looking at both X-rays with disbelief. Then what they
did was to put my son's arm on a sling and discharge him
as soon as the sedation was off.
As we were leaving the hospital, I asked the nurse who
was pushing my son's wheel chair if she knew this mysterious
doctor whose name I was not able to read from his nametag
and whose signature in the prescription form was illegible.
I described him. She said she never saw anyone looking
like that in the hospital, but she also said I would soon
know what his name was, when he sent the bill. He never
did. Also, when we tried to get the prescription filled,
the pharmacist refused to fill it because there was only
a scribbled signature and no registration number for that
doctor, on a hospital prescription form. They had to call
the hospital and ask whether in fact my son had been there
and if the doctor on call would authorize dispensing that
medicine to my son. Eventually the problem was solved
and we got the medicine under another prescriber's name.
My son recovered and we never got a bill from that doctor.
Then coincidences started to happen.
I bought a book out of a sale rack, believing it to be
a book of poems, and it so happened it was a book on angel's
stories. I read other people's experiences, some very
similar to this one, and I was convinced that I had been
visited by an angel. Other than that, this whole affair
may have been a case of mistaken bureaucracy in which
a bill was never sent. But the fact remains that I asked
for supernatural help, I felt the presence of spirits
from the other world around me, and I received the help
that I needed through someone who looked like an angel
Distant Vision - 30 year old female
My favorite brother was in Viet Nam. The whole time he
was there I prayed and fasted for his safe and healthy
return. One night, in that state just before sleep, I
saw him in the jungle. He was dressed in what looked like
a ranger's uniform with his hat pinned up on one side.
I could hear the sounds of war and the blades of the helicopters
spinning. There was a battle going on up on a hill to
my brother's right and he was rescuing wounded and dead
marines off the hill.
His helicopter was in a clearing about 500 yards ahead.
He had to cross over a fallen log to reach the helicopter.
He put the dead marine down to check before he crossed
the log. I could see an Asian man who stood head and shoulders
above my brother waiting for him to come across. This
man raised his machete to strike and I yelled out "Oh
my God put an angel between them!" I yelled so loud,
I woke my husband who tried in vain to calm me, saying
your brother is 6 feet 4 and the Asian aren't that tall.
I didn't want to upset my parents so I told only my youngest
brother about this vision. When
my other brother finally came home from Nam the youngest
one picked him up at the airport. They came straight to
my house and shared this story with me. My brother was
rescuing injured and dying marines from a hill in Nam.
He was dressed in ranger's clothing not his marine uniform
as I would have expected. He went to see his way clear
before crossing a fallen tree and running for his helicopter
and he heard a voice urgently saying, Look Up! When he
did he saw a Chi Cong, as they called them, standing head
and shoulders above him with his machete raised. Because
he was forewarned by the voice, he was able to take the
blow on his forearm and overpower the man. In the heat
of the battle he had not recognized the voice, but in
my living room, for the first time he realized the voice
He died 2 years ago leaving
no wife and children so I named my youngest son after
him. We were very close.
I had to undergo surgery which
required me to be in the hospital for seven days. During
the surgery a large incision was made in my abdomen and
afterwards I had to be on fairly large doses of pain medications
in order to deal with the pain. I had just returned to
my home following a week in the hospital, and unfortunately
I had run out of my pain medications and the pain was
becoming very intense. I fell asleep. I started to dream
about a magical, joyful, playful place.
Fall From A Magical World - 28 year old, female
During the dream I "woke up" and became lucid.
I had experienced lucid dreaming before, so I knew that
I was having a lucid dream at this point. For those who
aren't familiar with this experiece, a lucid dream is
one in which you are having a normal dream experiece and
suddenly your consciouses awakens in the dream. You are
aware that you are dreaming but the dream continues and
you become a character in the dream capable of controlling
its events. At the same moment that I became lucid in
the dream and was experiecing the dream already in progress,
I realized that I was smehow above my physical body in
space. I noticed that I was feeling absolutely no pain
as opposed to the intense pain that I felt before I fell
asleep. As soon as I "woke up" in the dream
I felt my consciousness float down toward my body. It
felt as if I was falling downward. I remember saying to
myself, "But I don't want to go back into my body
now. My body is in pain right now."
My consciousness went down
and into my body again, and as I re-entered my body I
felt the tiniest pinpoint of pain coming from my abdomen.
That small point of pain then grew until there was pain
coming from my entire abdominal area again.
The experience changed my
view of consciousness and proved to me that there is some
form of experience that occurs outside the body. The fact
that I felt no pain while I was floating proved to me
that I was completely separated from my body if only for
a moment. This whole experience took place in a matter
Vortex - 27 year old male
One evening I was watching
a PBS special on the life and work of Picasso. Right
after a description of how Picasso would use found objects
to make works of art (i.e. the "bull" made
from his son's bike seat and handlebars), I was struck
with a sudden insight. The insight was some sort of
intellectual concept, it was more of a feeling around
the recognition that anyone could produce art from found
objects if they just changed their perspective. The
feeling lasted throughout the evening but it did not
take on profound influence until the next day.
Starting my day off as
usual, I noticed that I was in some sort of state of
awareness that kept me removed from my surroundings
in my usual emotional way. In other words, I could still
do what I wanted to do but my emotional tone was completely
different. I felt removed, not in some bad way or some
sort of deaden way, but in a state of lasting comfort,
joy, and fascination. I was observing my world from
a place of joy and complete peace. Part of that feeling
was an ability to see all that I felt and observe being
"born" and "passing away." What
I mean by this is that I could anticipate the next moment
(what somebody might say or do, or what I might do or
say) well before it happened and then I would watch
it happen and then watch it sort of fade away. This
very beautiful experience lasted a full three days from
that morning onward.
Reflecting on this experience,
the only way I have come to explain the coming and going
movements is with the analogy of a vortex. I could see
moments coming into view near the rim of a vortex (whirlpool).
First they would spin around the vortex and then they
would disappear over the side. I knew the vortex had the
capacity to absorb all moments. I didn't find this notion
frightening at all. I knew that moments would go on being
born forever so there would be no shortage. The vortex
was not being destructive, it was simply giving the moments
some place to go.
I don't know
if this qualifies as a mystical experience but on a fairly
routine basis, when the conditions are right, I get what
I call "my special blend." What I mean by this
will become clear in a minute. When I'm listening to New
Age type music and I'm under no special pressures I find
that after a while I have a high alertness along with
a very pleasant emotional tone. I'll thinking clearly
(usually I'm reading something special at this time) but
it is not just head stuff. I'm emotionally alert as well
and pretty much receptive to the moment. All my energy
is in a smooth blend of head and heart. No other music
does this for me, just so called New Age music.
Smooth Blend - 41 year old male